Why Getting Lost in a Mall and Burning My Palm on an Iron Helped Me
How the "Weird Kid" in You Holds the Key to Your Best Work
Core Insight
In this article, I reflect on how curiosity shaped my early experiences and decision-making, sometimes as exploration and sometimes as survival. I examine how curiosity can become driven by fear, urgency, or the need to perform, rather than genuine interest. By unpacking these patterns, I explore what authentic curiosity looks like when it is no longer tied to pressure or self-protection.
This is article #2: The Need for Curiosity
Part of a 7-Human Needs series on Why We Do The Things We Do.
Feel free to go through the other articles in the series:
Need #1: Safety
Need #2: Curiosity (You are here)
Need#3: Meaning
Need#4: Belonging
Need#5: Thriving
Need#6: Overflow
Need#7: Freedom
Recently, my mum told me a story I had no memory of.
When I was much younger, she lost me in a shopping mall. We were poor then and those big departmental stores weren’t our usual haunts, but her sister was visiting Singapore and mum wanted to show her the sights.
The PA system was blaring my name with security searching high and low. Everyone assumed I’d be in the toys department where they usually find lost kids.
Finally, mum found me sitting in a quiet corner of the books department, engrossed in a book and oblivious to the chaos I had caused.
Being avid readers, my mum and aunt (she loves reading so much that she eventually opened a bookstore) didn’t know how to react.
Mum’s eyes were gleaming with tears when she recounted the story. “You were always a weird kid. Kids usually get lost in toys; you got lost in books.” It was as if she almost said how proud she was to lose me there.
The Humiliation That Started My Trajectory
Years later when I was eleven, a story-telling competition came up and all classes at my grade were supposed to send at least one representative each to compete. My poor English Teacher was almost begging for someone to volunteer, but no one paid attention to him. Since I always love reading, I wondered how it’s like and figured it’s probably just reading the stories out loud. So, this naïve little girl took pity on the old man and volunteered.
Until that competition, I had never stood up and spoken in front of the entire class, let alone the entire school.
I will always remember the title of the story: “When There’s A Will, There’s A Way”, which was also the last sentence in the story.
Now, picture a little girl up on stage with her legs shivering throughout. When she finally reached that last sentence, she said it while making stiff, jerky gestures with what I now call “robot arms”.
The entire school broke into laughter, including my “besties”. Of course, they weren’t my besties thereafter as I was too embarrassing and weird to be seen with.
Looking back, that was likely the moment that I started building my High-Performance Shield. I decided right then that I would never be the girl people laughed at again and choosing to master the “Way” with my “Will”. By secondary school, I won every story-telling competition and almost every public speaking contest.
I had mastered the “Way” and the “Will,” but misplaced the girl in the bookstore. My curiosity had transformed from a source of joy into a tactical weapon for survival. I was using my voice to hide instead of exploring.
To understand how to put that shield down, we have to look closer at what curiosity actually is. It turns out, it isn’t always the wide-eyed wonder of a child.
A Deeper Dive
Curiosity is a complex biological engine. In its purest state (like a child lost in a book) it drives growth and expands our internal sense of wonder. But as we grow and as the world demands more from us, that engine starts to serve different masters.
As a writer, I dare say that this could be the primary need to push us to create, to write, to discuss and explore with fellow writers here.
But curiosity isn’t a single “on/off” switch. According to modern psychological research (Kashdan et al., 2018), there are five distinct dimensions to how we wonder.
Understanding which one is driving you is the key to dropping the Shield.
1. Joyous Exploration This is when I was lost reading the book. It is the pure, unforced pleasure of learning something new just because it feels good. There is no deadline, no ROI, and no pressure to perform. It is the state of “Participation” in its purest form.
2. Deprivation Sensitivity This dimension is driven by your discomfort of not knowing the full picture. It feels like a gap that must be filled or an itch that must be scratched. For the high-performer with high need for safety, this often feels like “Hustle” in disguise.
3. Stress Tolerance This is your ability to sit in the “Void”. It measures how well you handle the doubt and confusion that comes with exploring new territory. If your stress tolerance is low, you will retreat behind your High-Performance Shield the moment things get difficult.
4. Social Curiosity This is the desire for kinship and empathy. It is what made me tear up over a subscriber’s DM. It is the need to understand the human experience through the eyes of others. It is how we find each other across the miles.
5. Thrill Seeking This is the willingness to take a risk to acquire a complex or intense experience. It measures how much you are willing to push the boundaries of your comfort zone.
When your need for curiosity surpasses your need to feel safe, you tend to have a higher risk tolerance as well. You might also be more adventurous, perhaps even dare to try those exotic foods (durians, anyone?).
The Shadow: Stimulation as Survival
For the high-performer, curiosity is often weaponised as a double-edged sword.
In its natural state, it is a biological gift. It is what allows us to explore, to write, and to innovate. But when we are operating behind the High-Performance Shield, curiosity becomes a survival mechanism.
We think that if we find the right new tool, the right new project, or the right new insight, things will start to feel right, so we keep chasing the next “Shiny Object”.
Remember: actions without intention are just noise.
Yes, there are times we are genuinely curious and/or want to stay informed, but I also want to be the first to admit here that from time to time, I was also looking for a hit of stimulation (e.g. cute dog videos) to drown out or procrastinate something (like writing this article – because imposter syndrome strikes again).
We use “newness” to escape boredom. We use “variety” to avoid the discomfort of being still with ourselves.
Toto’s Transformation
Last week, I talked about how Toto didn’t feel safe when we first adopted him.
One of the things that we tried to trigger his “inner brilliance” was by engaging with his need to be curious.
As you probably know, Toto was a Jack Russell Terrier (JRT) and this breed has extremely high hunting instincts (using “extremely” is probably under-selling it). Hence, we would play hide and seek with his favourite toy for him to “hunt” for it:
(Warning: reduce your volume by half as there might be some outbursts by human – sorry not sorry)
So much so that he’s grown into a true JRT (though still quite a timid one, if you ask me), being curious on all things that move:
The Mindset Shift: From Quantity to Quality
By now, I believe you know what I’m trying to tell you.
Success requires a return to Deep Curiosity that turns into Observation instead of chasing the new.
Your inner brilliance is triggered when you start diving into the quality of your curiosity and that turns into clarity in life.
The Lazy Realignment: The Observer Protocol
It is ok if you do not have time for that grand adventure to find this clarity or fix your burnout. You just need a low-stakes way to practice being that "weird kid" again in your everyday life.
For me, I practise observing my surroundings when I go for my morning walks or take public transport. And if my husband happens to be with me, I’ll sometimes mention or even discuss the interesting things that I observed, just to dig deeper into the curiosity. When my brain is in the mood, I even start a “silly commentary” of an animal that passes by.
That’s just how I roll now, you can also try this:
1. Identify the Itch: Notice the moment your brain screams for “something new”, especially when you’re about to reach out for your phone.
2. The 5-Minute Pause: Don’t touch your phone but also don’t fight the urge. Just sit with it.
3. Find the Detail: Look at one thing in your immediate environment. The texture of a table, a leaf, the sky etc. Observe it as if you have never seen it before.
The Takeaway: The Permission Slip
You have permission to be the “weird kid” again.
Start by exploring the life that you already have, because we all have a “weird kid” in us. The kid that used to wonder if the iron was still hot after switching off (and touched it anyway), the kid that used to talk to an invisible friend (still remember?), or even the kid that used to pick their nose and play with their boogers (ok, erm, please don’t do that, at least not in public).
Obviously, we now know better than to do those things. What I’m saying is, that kid, who is full of wonder, is brilliant and still lives inside you.
You don’t have to win every competition. You don’t have to be the most “informed” person in the room. You definitely don’t have to use your curiosity as a weapon to prove your worth.
Brilliance is effortless when you stop hunting for the spark and realize you are already sitting in the light.
Missed a step in the series?
Article #2: The Need for Curiosity (You Are Here)
💡 Question: What is your method to trigger your sense of curiosity?
Please share it in the comments so this community can learn!
P.S. If today’s article helped you find your inner “weird kid” again, consider buying me a bubble tea. It’s a simple way to support the quiet rest that makes these deep dives possible and it keeps me safely away from hot irons.
This article is #2 in the series of 7 Human Needs – Why we do the things we do?
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As always, tell me what’s on your mind. While I may not be able to respond to everyone, I promise to read every comment and feedback. Oh and please restack too because it would help a lot. TIA!
Thank you! I feel that we are all just kids in a grown-up suit. I believe if we just give the kid in us a chance, our inner brilliance will show effortlessly!
Love this Jean, and the amazing synchronicity between our two posts about curiosity!
I found myself cheering you on, the way you described bouncing back. And realizing how to honor your curiosity now.
Here’s to embracing the Weird Kid in all of us!